Sufficiently confused by Thai massage, it was time to head to school. I’d had my best Thai massage experience at the Wat Pho so I figured their five-day massage class sounded like a good idea. I had my hesistations, however; would it be dumbed down for Westerners? Cater too much to tourists? How much can you learn about 2500 years of massage in five days?
Upon further research (wikipedia…) I found out that there are three types of Thai massage these days: the one for royalty, the one for Thai Traditional Medicine as practiced by Thai doctors, and the one for tourists, which is sanctioned by the government. The latter is what most of the international Thai massage therapists learn, at courses like my five-day Wat Pho course.
But first I had to find the school. Even with a map it’s easy to miss. There’s no big sign out front. It’s a little store front at the end of a lane by a cafe with elephant in the name, if I remember correctly. There was no street sign. It’s basically a well-lit alley, with the only sign that there’s a massage school for foreigners nearby being an all-organic café with salads and espresso.
The lady at the front desk told me classes start every day of the week. “Great. So can I sign up for Sunday?” I asked.
“You can start tomorrow.”
“But I don’t want to start tomorrow. I’d like to start Sunday,” I pointed at the calendar, moving from tomorrow (Wednesday) to the end of the week.
“Yes. That’s fine.”
“Great. So do I sign up now?”
The woman looks at me a little funny but keeps smiling. I don’t think she understands. “You come Sunday at 9am.”
“Oh, so I don’t need to sign up in advance? Just show up at 9?”
“Maybe 8:30.”
“Okay…So can I stay here while I’m training? The school is very inconvenient to where I’m staying now. You offer accommodations, I think?” At least, that’s what I’d seen online.
“You want stay here?” She seemed surprised. I frowned, skeptical.
“Maybe.”
“Yes we have dorm.”
“Can I see it?” She hesitated, then called a young girl from across the small reception area. The girl told me to follow her. She walked me out the door, back to the main street, over two streets, and then down another well-lit alley to a Chinese café advertising healthy breakfasts. We went through the kitchen and up the uneven stairs to a three-bed dorm. It was baren but fine. There was a fan and a window that didn’t want to open.
“Bathroom?” I asked.
The girl didn’t understand, but fortunately the washroom was the next stop on the tour. No cockroaches. Check. I’d had my share of those in Ton Sai, home of my first two Thai massages.
For 390 baht a night the monastic, sheetless, air conditioning-less dorm wasn’t exactly cheap, but you pay for convenience. I followed the girl back to the Wat Pho school reception. “I’ll stay there,” I told the first woman. “How do I reserve?”
“One bed? From Sunday?”
“…Until Thursday, yes. Do I pay now or later? Do you need my name?”
“Come on Sunday. No problem.”
“Really, you don’t even want my name? What if someone else books the room?” I guess they don’t get many boarders because the woman didn’t answer, just kept smiling. “Okay, I’ll come Sunday with my things,” I said questioningly.
I left and started walking away, but I had more than a few doubts about the legitimacy of this program that starts any day of the week you want without a reservation. “What if I do one day and don’t like it? Can I stop? Can I get my money back?”
The woman didn’t understand. “Or can I do just one day? I asked. “And then if I like it I pay the rest of the money and do the remaining four days?”
She told me I could do one day for slightly less than half of the total tuition but couldn’t then do the rest of the days. But if I wanted to do all five days I had to pay everything up front. Hmm…
This felt like another Thai tourist scam to me. After having been driven in a tuk tuk to a tourist wharf and asked for 1500 baht to ride a private long boat up the disgusting Chao Phraya on my first failed attempt to make it to the Wat Pho before closing, I’d had enough being scammed for one trip. I took a minute to look through the Thai massage guide on the bookshelf nearby. It was a practical manual to giving a Thai massage: “Do this, do that. Don’t massage here.” There was no mention of why or why not to do things. No mention of “sen” or Buddha (Wikipedia does a better job). If I was going to give up five days of my trip I was going to get something I really wanted out of it.
And at this point I decided to give up on learning Thai massage and spend my money on food. The 250 baht (~$8) I spent on a whole sea bass coated i salt and grilled (a meal fit for royalty, unlike my Thai massages) at the restaurant across from Health Land, which the man who’d given me instructions had recommended, was at least worth every penny.
Best massages in Bangkok:
Thai Massage: Wat Pho massage at the back of the Wat Pho site with the reclining Buddha, by the Grand Palace. 100 baht entry to the site plus 420 baht for an hour massage. Astronomical for Bangkok standards, but worth it.
Relaxation (Oil) Massage: Health Land Spa (multiple locations. The one 10 minutes north of Ekkamai BTS by foot has a great seafood restaurant across the road from it. Cross at the “cross walk” where no cars actually stop for you and you’ll be right in front of it)
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